Thursday, November 29, 2012

Angus T. Jones Two and a Half Men religious rant video is consipiracy to boost ratings

Angus T. Jones, the young man who plays Jake (the half-a-man) on the hit CBS comedy show "Two and a Half Men"  recently recorded a video rant on YouTube requesting that people not watch "Two and a Half Men" because Jesus doesn't approve.

The video is long (in two-parts), but let's focus on the damning part where he says things like "Please stop watching it" and "Stop filling your head with filth." He also says that he actually doesn't want to be on the sitcom any more.

The rant against the show is about 7 minutes and 45 seconds in.

What? He's making $350,000 per episode. If he wants to spread the word of his newfound Seventh Adventist Church, take the $8.5 million you make and donate it to them. Or go feed thousands of hungry people and take some of the pressure off Obama.

On the other hand, perhaps the whole thing is a brilliant conspiracy created by successful television icon Chuck Lorre.

Maybe, just maybe, Chuck put Angus up to going on record telling everyone how crude, and lewd and sexually inappropriate the show is so that all of the people who don't already watch the show, and really enjoy totally irreverent sex and drug comedy will tune in to see what they're missing. Winning!

Could this be true? Probably not, but hey, I can make stuff up if I want to. [See disclaimer at top of page.] :)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Great gifts for cigar smokers that don't stink

Following are some possible holiday gift ideas for that cigar smoker in your life. Of course, you can always buy cigar smokers some cigars (we NEVER complain about that unless they  contain primarily cow manure with some tobacco ingredients added), but here are some great gift ideas for cigar smokers which you do not light on fire.


For all of you cigar smokers, you can either buy this for yourself or send your loved ones here. You know you want one.
Happy Holidays from you to you. :)


If you're looking for a very nice humidor with a front-mounted, glass hygrometer, cedar lined and tempered-glass top, this is an amazing price. It has a nice mahogany finish and holds between 25 and 50 cigars.


If you're outdoorsy and a cigar smoker, this is a must. This cigar caddy holds five Churchills, is made from heavy duty molded plastic, it floats, it's airtight and waterproof to 100 feet deep. Just think, now you can take your cigars with you when you go scuba diving.


Such a nice gift. Beautiful, high-gloss walnut finish with a guillotine and punch cutter and a cigar bed with stainless steel ash resevoir. I'm adding this to my wish list.


After blowing literally hundreds of dollars on expensive Colibri lighters, thinking that they MUST be the best because they cost the most, I love to find a great deal on a lighter that does the job and gives me enough money left over to buy six or seven decent cigars. I never got more than three months out of any of the four or five Colibris I purchased before I had to ship it back so they could "fix" it...repeatedly. I finally gave up and used a very inexpensive lighter that came free with an issue of Cigar Magazine. That one lit time after time for more than two years, until I took it swimming last summer.

I understand that lighters, especially with SST, can be sensitive and perhaps malfunction. But I'd rather invest less than ten bucks than $165.00.

This Tiger Torch comes gift boxed.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Brief nudity not so brief; device for man to understand womanspeak and more pop culture absurdities

They are developing an electronic device which will allow you to put in earpieces and have any language interpreted and played in your headphones. It further allows you to speak into a microphone and what you say will be translated to their language and played through a speaker. Amazing! Now if they could only come up with a similar device where, when you put it on, a man could understand womanspeak.
When watching a movie with a DVR, brief nudity is not necessarily so brief. I have pause button.
At least Apple didn't call their new product a MiniPad.
How did the metric system overtake our beverage cans and bottles information? Now, large bottles of soft drinks are 16.9 ounces or 1.05 pints. What are they doing, just trying to remind us that our method of measurement sucks? 16.9 ounces equals 500 mL. Oh, metric system, you're so cool with your round numbers. But, what if we left it at 16 ounces? How many mL is that, smarty pants? It's something like 497.036 mL. Not so cool now are you?
Many times in my life I've heard people say that you should let tap water run for a few seconds before filling your glass and drinking it, because the water that first comes out of the tap has been sitting there stagnant for a while. Isn't the water just behind simply water that was sitting stagnant further down the pipeline?
93% of the African American population voted for President Obama. Studies show that the other 7% may have simply made a mistake.
I remember when I used to have a rotary cellphone.
I'm not sure what my being aware of breast cancer does to help the cause. They should call it Donate Money to Breast Cancer Research Month. Just for us stupid people.
I sometimes listen to those Music Choice channels on cable. I was watching/listening to the Classic Rock channel and most of the ads were for senior emergency alert and hair restoration. Truly WTF??
Here's something you simply don't hear anymore, "Hurry up, I need to use the phone."

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

After the brutal political season Thomas Jefferson and I have some advice

Thanks to Facebook and extreme right wing and left wing postings, many friendships have been torn  apart. So, in light of  the election finally being behind us, I wanted to share some of the wisdom of Thomas Jefferson and some of the absurdity of me (with the help of Photoshop).


Saturday, November 3, 2012

The coolest spot to do all of your online holiday shopping - and help Hurricane Sandy victims

Welcome to the page where you can find the top online shopping stores and help a great cause at the same time. Aw, go on. Help me make this a popular one-stop online shopping web page.

When you order through any of the stores on this page, 100% of the proceeds go to the Powdered Milk is Gonna Taste a Lot Better Once I Get the Water Turned Back On Fund. (Okay, there really is no such fund.)

But, seriously, when you use purchase anything from any of these top online shopping websites, 10% of the profits will be donated to help those affected by Hurricane Sandy, through the American Red Cross. Please share this convenient page with everyone.

If you're not looking to do any online shopping but would still like to show your support for those devastated by Frankenstorm, visit or text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the relief fund.

This holiday season 700 gazillion people will spend 2 bazillion dollars shopping online. Be part of that. Go on, buy something.

More to come.

Thanks for your support.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Furnace repair: how to do it yourself and ruin a perfectly good Sunday with the help of Google, Facebook and Words with Friends

I love how connected we all are. I couldn't live without my Android phone. I even have a website dedicated to all of the cool things you can do with a Smartphone. From productivity to games, from reading books to stuff. I don't miss calls or emails or text messages, and I can even see what far-away loved ones are up to via Facebook or video chat on my laptop, tablet, desktop, Android or iPhone.
Because of the amazing Smartphone and Internet technology, arguments (except when you're talking politics or sports), are almost non-existent, thanks to the ability to Google or look up anything under dispute, any time, any place.
But sometimes Google can mess you up and take away an entire Sunday originally intended for leisurely activities.
A couple of Sundays ago it started getting a bit chillier in the metro Detroit area. So chilly in fact, that I fired up the furnace. Or at least tried to.
I flicked the heat switch on the thermostat and set it to Auto. Then I cranked it up a bit to get the ignitor to trigger and light the burners (ooo, almost sounds like I know what I'm talking about). Initially, it sounded just like it did last year when the furnace kicked on. Except this time the burners only stayed lit for about five seconds, and then shut off.
What the hell? I don't want to call the heating and air conditioning people who are going to charge me an arm and a leg to come out and probably fix it in a minute. And how do I know if whatever they tell me is wrong is even really the problem, or if they are just feeding me some bull-pucky to milk more cash from me. Sometimes it can be expensive to be this stupid.
So, I decided to go on Google and search for a solution to my problem and do it myself (DIM). That way, if it was a simple fix I could run to Lowes ( or Sears ( or Aco (, or is it Ace (I always get those two confused) and get whatever I needed. Enter: "lennonx furnace lights and shuts off in five seconds." Voila! Hundreds of people have had this same problem. So I started clicking on the links to the forums where people were describing their problems and even showing Youtube videos of exactly the same problem that I was having.
Then the good news. According to EVERYBODY, It's really easy to resolve and it won't cost me anything (except the time to do it). Yay!
Boo! Nothing is EVER as easy as it seems. EVERY half-hour job takes me somewhere between three hours and eternity. But, what the hell. Maybe I can do this.
Tackle the challenge
After reading entries in multiple forums from people who were having the exact same problem as I, it seemed almost certain that the problem was that my flame sensor needed to be cleaned. All I needed to do was take some sand paper or steel wool, clean off the thick wire-like sensor, put it back in place and everything should work just fine.
Next search: "how do I remove flame sensor from lennox value series furnace?" This search returned lots of results including video showing me just how easy it is to change it. Unscrew one little screw on the front plate that holds the burners in place, slide out the sensor, clean it, put it back, screw in one screw, turn on furnace, enjoy the warmth.
Or not!
After removing the front cover panel and looking inside, I easily determined where the flame sensor was. However, my furnace didn't afford the opportunity to JUST REMOVE ONE FREAKING SCREW. No, no! In order for me to get to the damned thing it looked like I had to remove brackets and probably even the burners themselves just to get access to the sensor, which is probably the one part that needs to be accessed the most, since so many people seem to have had the exact same problem that I was having.
So, back to the computer. More Googling. Finally, I found a video made by a guy showing me how to remove a flame sensor from a furnace that doesn't have a convenient screw (insert convenient screw joke here). Yup! Remove the outer bracket, remove the bracket behind that, and them remove the goddam burners. Then simply (yeah right) clean off the now exposed sensor, put it all back together and...enjoy the warmth.
Not gonna do it
As I knelt uncomfortably on the tile floor staring into the furnace and contemplating getting my socket wrench to start taking things apart, a sudden burst of common sense hit me in the face. Hell no! I'm not doing that. Me? Taking apart a contraption that fills up with gas and ignites creating a flame which remains burning until I'm toasty? I don't think that's such a good idea. I know me...and my abilities as a handyman.
So, I was mildly proud of myself for determining exactly what the problem was, but decided that actually taking apart my furnace wasn't real bright.
I commenced to put the cover back on the furnace and informed my wife that, although I felt quite manly for figuring out the problem, I couldn't get this "simple" task done because when given an opportunity to not blow up my house and family, I usually take it.
Enter: Internet again.
My wife, while on Facebook, mentioned that I had successfully diagnosed the dirty flame sensor problem with my furnace, but that I was such a loser that I was incapable of actually fixing it. Okay, she didn't put it that way, but that's how I interpreted it. She asked if any of her friends knew of anyone who could help (and not require getting a co-signer).
Enter: Smartphone.
Shortly after my wife posted that message on Facebook (of which I was not aware), I received a text message from friend with whom I was playing a game of Words With Friends. It simply said: "Kevin will be calling you shortly." At first I thought that she was just demonstrating her psychic abilities. Then, two minutes later, the phone rang and WTF, it was a guy named Kevin. He explained that Denise had given him my number after she saw my wife's posting on Facebook and was wondering if he could help.
After I explained the problem and told him what I believed was the remedy, he confirmed my diagnosis. Yay, again! Then he told me to "simply remove the dirty flame sensor and clean it off with some sandpaper or steel wool, put it back in and enjoy the warmth." No, no, no, no, no! I knew that. The problem was that I couldn't get at the part I needed to clean.
As I was trying to explain how it was all configured (after I disassembled the front of the furnace a third time), he said, "I wish I could see it." When I suggested that I take a picture with my Android phone and forward it to his phone, he said, "my phone has a red button and a green button." Okay, chalk that idea. He did, however have an email address, so I sent a couple of pictures there.
He took a look, called me back and suggested that I remove the two hex nuts on the top bracket above the burners. I did that, and (not very easily) was able to cram my hand back behind the burner where the flame sensor was located and basically clean it with little tiny movements (not much room) with a toothbrush and a piece of steel wool.
I "cleaned" it as best I could and decided to just put everything back together and see what happens. If it doesn't work, then that wasn't the problem and I'd have to have a heating and cooling guy come out.
I went upstairs, clicked it on, cranked up the thermostat, and it has been working just fine ever since.
Thank you Google. Thank you Facebook. Thank you Hotmail. And thank you Words With Friends (Note: I kicked Denise's ass in the game).
As it turned out, I was originally planning to watch the Detroit Lions football game, and they lost anyway. Apparently, there is more than one way to waste a perfectly good Sunday.
Afterthought: In case you found this page when you were really looking for furnaces
If you are looking to purchase a gas furnace, there are some great options online. Believe it or not has a number of furnaces (Ducane, Rheem, you can purchase and have shipped, and now carries a few furnaces (and lots of wood burners) that you can purchase and pick up or have delivered from your local Lowes location. has a full line of Kenmore brand furnaces.