Why do they have a door on the back of roadside mailboxes? Are people really so lazy that they can't walk the extra foot?
During the Viet Nam era, I got a Purple Heart. Okay, I just found it in my Lucky Charms box, but I got it.
My brakes are going bad on my car. Yesterday, I drove by the brake shop, but I didn't stop.
You've heard the saying: "It's like taking candy from a baby." You should take candy from a baby. What the fuck is a baby doing with candy?
Since 50% of all marriages fail, I'm going to start giving only half of my wedding gift. You get the other half if you stay married for ten years.