Thursday, December 22, 2011
Farts, air biscuits, trouser coughs or whatever you call them..we all do it..so lighten up.
It always amazes me when people get indignant, insulted or even offended when some cuts a fart. Come on! We all do it. (Even Whoopi Goldberg on the View.)
Find me one person who has never let one loose inappropriately and I'll show you a goddam liar. It happens to everyone. Whether it's a loud expression of flatulatory release, or a classic "silent but deadly" one-cheek-sneak that you never even have to claim, it happens to all of us.
Don't be offended, people. Farting around close friends and family members can actually help you bond and become closer. Being able to share such an intimate and olfactorily offensive activity shows a real trust and love. If someone shares their fart with you, relish it. Be thankful that this person feels so comfortable with you that they will actually bring attention to the occurrence and share it with you.
Okay, there probably isn't anyone who actually enjoys when someone shares their flatulence, but maybe you feel comfortable enough with the other person to share it as a method of semi-cruel practical jokedness. These situations are always great fun and a wonderful story to tell for years to come. One time, when I used to work in a sales office, one of the other sales consultants (I'll call him Drake...because that was his name), was in the showroom with a customer. I could see that the conversation was leading to Drake inviting the gentleman into his office for further discussion and to close the deal. Because I was just about ready to release an air biscuit, I took the opportunity to rush into Drake's office and release it there, before he arrived with his customer. Comedy gold!
Sometimes, you can show someone how much you care for them by directing them away from the trouser cough. On one occasion (okay, many occasions), while grocery shopping with my wife, we separated to different aisles to locate items on our grocery list. When she returned to my aisle and began approaching me, I quickly moved toward her and said, "You might not want to go down this aisle right at this moment." How loving is that?
So, before you point the finger at someone for farting, make sure you don't linger...or they may just pull it.