Stuff I think I think! No fetus eating, new car for 99 cents a month and more.

• Just face it: Everything happens for no reason.

• I heard on the news that they are considering a bill that will not allow aborted fetuses in our food. What? That's outrageous! So now, I can't have my occasional fetus butter and jelly sandwich?

• Channel 7 (WXYZ-TV) in Detroit ran a promo for days on Dishwasher Danger, telling us that our dishwashers can catch fire and burn down our houses. And they were going to tell us how to prevent it on the following Wednesday at 6:45 a.m. Apparently it's not that big of a deal if they made us wait days to tell us how not to burn down our houses. :)

• I can buy a brand new, 2012 Toyota Camry for only 99 cents per month (with $27,999 due at signing).

•  Why do they have a door on the back of roadside mailboxes? Are people really so lazy that they can't walk the extra foot?

• During the Viet Nam era, I got a Purple Heart. Okay, I just found it in my Lucky Charms box, but I got it.

• My brakes are going bad on my car. Yesterday, I drove by the brake shop, but I didn't stop.

•  You've heard the saying: "It's like taking candy from a baby." You should take candy from a baby. What the fuck is a baby doing with candy?

• Since 50% of all marriages fail, I'm going to start giving only half of my wedding gift. You get the other half if you stay married for ten years.