Thursday, November 29, 2012

Angus T. Jones Two and a Half Men religious rant video is consipiracy to boost ratings

Angus T. Jones, the young man who plays Jake (the half-a-man) on the hit CBS comedy show "Two and a Half Men"  recently recorded a video rant on YouTube requesting that people not watch "Two and a Half Men" because Jesus doesn't approve.

The video is long (in two-parts), but let's focus on the damning part where he says things like "Please stop watching it" and "Stop filling your head with filth." He also says that he actually doesn't want to be on the sitcom any more.

The rant against the show is about 7 minutes and 45 seconds in.

What? He's making $350,000 per episode. If he wants to spread the word of his newfound Seventh Adventist Church, take the $8.5 million you make and donate it to them. Or go feed thousands of hungry people and take some of the pressure off Obama.

On the other hand, perhaps the whole thing is a brilliant conspiracy created by successful television icon Chuck Lorre.

Maybe, just maybe, Chuck put Angus up to going on record telling everyone how crude, and lewd and sexually inappropriate the show is so that all of the people who don't already watch the show, and really enjoy totally irreverent sex and drug comedy will tune in to see what they're missing. Winning!

Could this be true? Probably not, but hey, I can make stuff up if I want to. [See disclaimer at top of page.] :)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Great gifts for cigar smokers that don't stink

Following are some possible holiday gift ideas for that cigar smoker in your life. Of course, you can always buy cigar smokers some cigars (we NEVER complain about that unless they  contain primarily cow manure with some tobacco ingredients added), but here are some great gift ideas for cigar smokers which you do not light on fire.


For all of you cigar smokers, you can either buy this for yourself or send your loved ones here. You know you want one.
Happy Holidays from you to you. :)


If you're looking for a very nice humidor with a front-mounted, glass hygrometer, cedar lined and tempered-glass top, this is an amazing price. It has a nice mahogany finish and holds between 25 and 50 cigars.


If you're outdoorsy and a cigar smoker, this is a must. This cigar caddy holds five Churchills, is made from heavy duty molded plastic, it floats, it's airtight and waterproof to 100 feet deep. Just think, now you can take your cigars with you when you go scuba diving.


Such a nice gift. Beautiful, high-gloss walnut finish with a guillotine and punch cutter and a cigar bed with stainless steel ash resevoir. I'm adding this to my wish list.


After blowing literally hundreds of dollars on expensive Colibri lighters, thinking that they MUST be the best because they cost the most, I love to find a great deal on a lighter that does the job and gives me enough money left over to buy six or seven decent cigars. I never got more than three months out of any of the four or five Colibris I purchased before I had to ship it back so they could "fix" it...repeatedly. I finally gave up and used a very inexpensive lighter that came free with an issue of Cigar Magazine. That one lit time after time for more than two years, until I took it swimming last summer.

I understand that lighters, especially with SST, can be sensitive and perhaps malfunction. But I'd rather invest less than ten bucks than $165.00.

This Tiger Torch comes gift boxed.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Brief nudity not so brief; device for man to understand womanspeak and more pop culture absurdities

They are developing an electronic device which will allow you to put in earpieces and have any language interpreted and played in your headphones. It further allows you to speak into a microphone and what you say will be translated to their language and played through a speaker. Amazing! Now if they could only come up with a similar device where, when you put it on, a man could understand womanspeak.
When watching a movie with a DVR, brief nudity is not necessarily so brief. I have pause button.
At least Apple didn't call their new product a MiniPad.
How did the metric system overtake our beverage cans and bottles information? Now, large bottles of soft drinks are 16.9 ounces or 1.05 pints. What are they doing, just trying to remind us that our method of measurement sucks? 16.9 ounces equals 500 mL. Oh, metric system, you're so cool with your round numbers. But, what if we left it at 16 ounces? How many mL is that, smarty pants? It's something like 497.036 mL. Not so cool now are you?
Many times in my life I've heard people say that you should let tap water run for a few seconds before filling your glass and drinking it, because the water that first comes out of the tap has been sitting there stagnant for a while. Isn't the water just behind simply water that was sitting stagnant further down the pipeline?
93% of the African American population voted for President Obama. Studies show that the other 7% may have simply made a mistake.
I remember when I used to have a rotary cellphone.
I'm not sure what my being aware of breast cancer does to help the cause. They should call it Donate Money to Breast Cancer Research Month. Just for us stupid people.
I sometimes listen to those Music Choice channels on cable. I was watching/listening to the Classic Rock channel and most of the ads were for senior emergency alert and hair restoration. Truly WTF??
Here's something you simply don't hear anymore, "Hurry up, I need to use the phone."

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

After the brutal political season Thomas Jefferson and I have some advice

Thanks to Facebook and extreme right wing and left wing postings, many friendships have been torn  apart. So, in light of  the election finally being behind us, I wanted to share some of the wisdom of Thomas Jefferson and some of the absurdity of me (with the help of Photoshop).


Saturday, November 3, 2012

The coolest spot to do all of your online holiday shopping - and help Hurricane Sandy victims

Welcome to the page where you can find the top online shopping stores and help a great cause at the same time. Aw, go on. Help me make this a popular one-stop online shopping web page.

When you order through any of the stores on this page, 100% of the proceeds go to the Powdered Milk is Gonna Taste a Lot Better Once I Get the Water Turned Back On Fund. (Okay, there really is no such fund.)

But, seriously, when you use purchase anything from any of these top online shopping websites, 10% of the profits will be donated to help those affected by Hurricane Sandy, through the American Red Cross. Please share this convenient page with everyone.

If you're not looking to do any online shopping but would still like to show your support for those devastated by Frankenstorm, visit or text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the relief fund.

This holiday season 700 gazillion people will spend 2 bazillion dollars shopping online. Be part of that. Go on, buy something.

More to come.

Thanks for your support.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Furnace repair: how to do it yourself and ruin a perfectly good Sunday with the help of Google, Facebook and Words with Friends

I love how connected we all are. I couldn't live without my Android phone. I even have a website dedicated to all of the cool things you can do with a Smartphone. From productivity to games, from reading books to stuff. I don't miss calls or emails or text messages, and I can even see what far-away loved ones are up to via Facebook or video chat on my laptop, tablet, desktop, Android or iPhone.
Because of the amazing Smartphone and Internet technology, arguments (except when you're talking politics or sports), are almost non-existent, thanks to the ability to Google or look up anything under dispute, any time, any place.
But sometimes Google can mess you up and take away an entire Sunday originally intended for leisurely activities.
A couple of Sundays ago it started getting a bit chillier in the metro Detroit area. So chilly in fact, that I fired up the furnace. Or at least tried to.
I flicked the heat switch on the thermostat and set it to Auto. Then I cranked it up a bit to get the ignitor to trigger and light the burners (ooo, almost sounds like I know what I'm talking about). Initially, it sounded just like it did last year when the furnace kicked on. Except this time the burners only stayed lit for about five seconds, and then shut off.
What the hell? I don't want to call the heating and air conditioning people who are going to charge me an arm and a leg to come out and probably fix it in a minute. And how do I know if whatever they tell me is wrong is even really the problem, or if they are just feeding me some bull-pucky to milk more cash from me. Sometimes it can be expensive to be this stupid.
So, I decided to go on Google and search for a solution to my problem and do it myself (DIM). That way, if it was a simple fix I could run to Lowes ( or Sears ( or Aco (, or is it Ace (I always get those two confused) and get whatever I needed. Enter: "lennonx furnace lights and shuts off in five seconds." Voila! Hundreds of people have had this same problem. So I started clicking on the links to the forums where people were describing their problems and even showing Youtube videos of exactly the same problem that I was having.
Then the good news. According to EVERYBODY, It's really easy to resolve and it won't cost me anything (except the time to do it). Yay!
Boo! Nothing is EVER as easy as it seems. EVERY half-hour job takes me somewhere between three hours and eternity. But, what the hell. Maybe I can do this.
Tackle the challenge
After reading entries in multiple forums from people who were having the exact same problem as I, it seemed almost certain that the problem was that my flame sensor needed to be cleaned. All I needed to do was take some sand paper or steel wool, clean off the thick wire-like sensor, put it back in place and everything should work just fine.
Next search: "how do I remove flame sensor from lennox value series furnace?" This search returned lots of results including video showing me just how easy it is to change it. Unscrew one little screw on the front plate that holds the burners in place, slide out the sensor, clean it, put it back, screw in one screw, turn on furnace, enjoy the warmth.
Or not!
After removing the front cover panel and looking inside, I easily determined where the flame sensor was. However, my furnace didn't afford the opportunity to JUST REMOVE ONE FREAKING SCREW. No, no! In order for me to get to the damned thing it looked like I had to remove brackets and probably even the burners themselves just to get access to the sensor, which is probably the one part that needs to be accessed the most, since so many people seem to have had the exact same problem that I was having.
So, back to the computer. More Googling. Finally, I found a video made by a guy showing me how to remove a flame sensor from a furnace that doesn't have a convenient screw (insert convenient screw joke here). Yup! Remove the outer bracket, remove the bracket behind that, and them remove the goddam burners. Then simply (yeah right) clean off the now exposed sensor, put it all back together and...enjoy the warmth.
Not gonna do it
As I knelt uncomfortably on the tile floor staring into the furnace and contemplating getting my socket wrench to start taking things apart, a sudden burst of common sense hit me in the face. Hell no! I'm not doing that. Me? Taking apart a contraption that fills up with gas and ignites creating a flame which remains burning until I'm toasty? I don't think that's such a good idea. I know me...and my abilities as a handyman.
So, I was mildly proud of myself for determining exactly what the problem was, but decided that actually taking apart my furnace wasn't real bright.
I commenced to put the cover back on the furnace and informed my wife that, although I felt quite manly for figuring out the problem, I couldn't get this "simple" task done because when given an opportunity to not blow up my house and family, I usually take it.
Enter: Internet again.
My wife, while on Facebook, mentioned that I had successfully diagnosed the dirty flame sensor problem with my furnace, but that I was such a loser that I was incapable of actually fixing it. Okay, she didn't put it that way, but that's how I interpreted it. She asked if any of her friends knew of anyone who could help (and not require getting a co-signer).
Enter: Smartphone.
Shortly after my wife posted that message on Facebook (of which I was not aware), I received a text message from friend with whom I was playing a game of Words With Friends. It simply said: "Kevin will be calling you shortly." At first I thought that she was just demonstrating her psychic abilities. Then, two minutes later, the phone rang and WTF, it was a guy named Kevin. He explained that Denise had given him my number after she saw my wife's posting on Facebook and was wondering if he could help.
After I explained the problem and told him what I believed was the remedy, he confirmed my diagnosis. Yay, again! Then he told me to "simply remove the dirty flame sensor and clean it off with some sandpaper or steel wool, put it back in and enjoy the warmth." No, no, no, no, no! I knew that. The problem was that I couldn't get at the part I needed to clean.
As I was trying to explain how it was all configured (after I disassembled the front of the furnace a third time), he said, "I wish I could see it." When I suggested that I take a picture with my Android phone and forward it to his phone, he said, "my phone has a red button and a green button." Okay, chalk that idea. He did, however have an email address, so I sent a couple of pictures there.
He took a look, called me back and suggested that I remove the two hex nuts on the top bracket above the burners. I did that, and (not very easily) was able to cram my hand back behind the burner where the flame sensor was located and basically clean it with little tiny movements (not much room) with a toothbrush and a piece of steel wool.
I "cleaned" it as best I could and decided to just put everything back together and see what happens. If it doesn't work, then that wasn't the problem and I'd have to have a heating and cooling guy come out.
I went upstairs, clicked it on, cranked up the thermostat, and it has been working just fine ever since.
Thank you Google. Thank you Facebook. Thank you Hotmail. And thank you Words With Friends (Note: I kicked Denise's ass in the game).
As it turned out, I was originally planning to watch the Detroit Lions football game, and they lost anyway. Apparently, there is more than one way to waste a perfectly good Sunday.
Afterthought: In case you found this page when you were really looking for furnaces
If you are looking to purchase a gas furnace, there are some great options online. Believe it or not has a number of furnaces (Ducane, Rheem, you can purchase and have shipped, and now carries a few furnaces (and lots of wood burners) that you can purchase and pick up or have delivered from your local Lowes location. has a full line of Kenmore brand furnaces.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

This time Facebook stalking is good...and scary


"Take This Lollipop" is an interactive Facebook Connect movie.

In keeping with the Halloween spirit (funny costumes here), I invite you to check out "Take This Lollipop," a very cool and kind of creepy web page. It will require you to log in using your Facebook account, but they do not store any of your information, post anything to your page or send you any emails. Just do it. It's fun and a little eerie. A perfect page to share with your friends (or better yet, share this page) during the Halloween season.

I don't know much about the creator, but it looks as though the guy who wrote it also stars in it (along with YOU!). I've seen this techology before, where they grab some of the information in your Facebook profile or photos you provide and incorporate it into a video story. There's a cute one involving Santa Claus and your kid. But this takes the cake.

First off, most of us are reluctant to share personal information online and this clever, live action Facebook Connect production requires you to log-in through your Facebook account. Then, when you do, you are presented, screw it. Just do it and see for yourself.
It's disturbingly fun.

Click here to go to "Take This Lollipop."

Monday, October 15, 2012

Real Fake Interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger - Altered Audio - Truth about Mildred the Housekeeper

Here is the interview I had with Arnold Schwarzennegger, where he discusses his new book "Total Recall" (available at or In this interview Arnold tells the REAL story about Mildred the Housekeeper.

Arnold is candid about Maria Shriver, Mildred the Housekeeper and his new book in this very short, very phony, funny parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger's promotional tour to tout his new memoir.

Although this shows Arnold in a slightly negative light, he is only a tad more sleazy than he was in the original interview with Diane Sawyer.

More altered audio and absurd, allegedly funny stuff at Interactive Lunacy, Smart Ass News and Cellphone Reality TV.

For true Arnold fans, check out this signed Arnold Schwarzenegger Laser Disc Cover. Powers Collectibles 3139 Signed Terminator The- Arnold Schwarzenegger Laser Disc Cover By Arnold Schwarzenegger (Google Affiliate Ad)


Monday, October 1, 2012

Halloween costume ideas - you can make them or buy them

Where do I find cool, funny Halloween costumes for adults, kids and couples?
It's time for Halloween costume shopping. I usually don't dress up myself. Usually I just pull out my clown nose and tell people that my costume is a "grown-up with a clown nose." Original? Yes. Stupid as hell? Absolutely.
Even though I don't put any time or effort into costuming myself at Halloween, I do really appreciate a cool or funny costume and decided to review some Halloween costumes and web sites where you can purchase Halloween costumes. Of course some of the most funny costumes ones are the ones that people make themselves. Here's a few examples of homemade Halloween costumes.  If you've got the time, you can make your own but, you can also buy some funny and creative costumes at retail stores like,, and J.C. Penny (
I have actually spent hours creating stupid gifts for friend's birthdays, like the Belly Button Blow Dryer, but if I needed a costume, I'd probably just search for a cool one to buy. I surfed around the Halloween section at and must admit there were some costumes that were pretty impressive. Of course, you can get any of the hot super heroes, political figures or assortment of trendy stuff there, but if you're looking for something a bit different, or off-the wall then here are some great choices: has a great variety of ideas, and a great selection of categories including kids, adults, sexy, couples and even group. And if you surf around some of the other costume sites you'll find costumes like the one I found at featuring a couples' costume with the woman as an electrical outlet, and the man as a plug (pictured).
There are also some excellent  Halloween costume choices (including some cool baby and toddler costumes) at They even have a 4D app for iPhone and Android that you can download to make your costume shopping easier. Or at least cooler.
If you create any bizarre, funny, creative Halloween costumes, take a pic and send it to me. Go on, I dare ya.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

WTFWIT Cooking show - incredible, spicy, breakfast tortilla recipe

Even though I often eat evil food, we usually try to eat well and healthy at our house. Not a lot of red meat and we watch the sugars. Sometimes we watch them go from the products they're in, right into our tummies, but we try. We really try. So, shut up. And eat.

One of my favorite meals to cook is breakfast. Over the years I have almost completely eliminated added salt, and when I cook eggs I get rid of the yolk. I don't miss the salt, but sometimes I miss the yolk.

Anyway, this is my first recipe video, where I share how I prepare my Spicy Breakfast Tortilla.

I really think that if I had a nicer supply of cookware, like the stuff you can get at Macy's, or J. C. Penny (, that I could be an even better cook. There are also a lot of great cookware deals at, in case anyone is looking to buy me gifts. Oh yeah, and and I also like Android devices (as you can see at my Hooked On Droid site).

Honestly, when I prepare my breakfast feasts they are always different. Although, you will always see a spicy theme. Soon, I'm going to share my recipe for the Omelet From Hell.

"WTFWIT?" What the F*@k Was I Thinking?" Video blog excerpts from Gary Thison's Joking Smoker Blog

For those of you too lazy to read, this is a video blog with excerpts from previous Joking Smoker blog entries.

Monday, September 24, 2012

What the hell was I thinking? Stand on line for a crappy phone, smelly habits, and more. Pointless ponderings blog.

Back bi-polar demand, more pointless ponderings. Thanks for reading the allegedly funny, satirical, parody, comedy blog. Your comments and heckles are encouraged. I ain't ascaird of you.

• I have a lot of bad habits, but smoking cigars is the only one that you can smell when I walk into a room. Unless, of course, you consider farting a habit.

• The synthetic marijuana substitute that they call K2 or Bath Salts is smoked (which is not recommended) and creates hallucinations and sometimes violent, psychotic behavior. It seems that, as soon as the Food and Drug Administration bans one of the ingredients of this "incense," they use a different chemical to replace the one that was banned. So, when they change the ingredients so often in order to stay one-step ahead of the law, I was wondering how they know if the new chemical they added will have the desired  affect? Do they have testers? Maybe they run ads in the help wanted classifieds? "So, Mr. Tester, how was that?" "Good. I feel like killing my mother and eating her face." Excellent. Ship it. (On a serious note, if you encounter any party stores, smoke shops or gas stations selling this crap, voice your opinion to the proprietor, and tell them you won't be shopping there again.)

• One of my favorite words is "wasps." Technically, it's one syllable, but when you say it, it sounds like three. Waaaa...spppp...sssss.

• If a product says "Gluten Free" does that mean that you just don't pay extra for the gluten? "Hey honey, look. Free gluten."

• A new study indicates that smiling, even if it's a phony smile, lowers your heart rate and makes you calmer. It is  recommended that during stressful times you smile or laugh to reduce stress. "I'm sorry to tell you Grampa died." "Ha ha ha ha ha. Ahhhh ha ha ha. Whew, I feel better." (Don't try this at home.)

• I've always marvelled at how, in movie fight scenes, people can fly through the air, kick their opponent in the face, smash a chair over their head, throw them across the room, and they just get up and continue fighting. Then, I realized that it really isn't all that different than "The Three Stooges," when Moe would whack Curly in the head with a hammer. I'm not trying either.

• On CNN television news network, two broadcasters were arguing about whether or not the news media should cover the fact that the new CEO of Yahoo! Melissa Mayer was pregnant. Hellllloooo? By discussing whether or not you should discuss it, YOU COVERED IT. Who's stupider, CNN or the viewers?

• Why do so many Muslims blame America because one guy makes a bad movie against Islam. America doesn't endorse this movie. Hell, no one is really sure that the movie even exists and that it isn't really just a trailer for a never-made production. Blaming America for the actions of this one guy is like assuming that everyone who dies their hair red is likely to shoot up a movie theater.

• I really don't understand the mentality of people who will stand in line for eight days to get an iPhone 5, when the Apple product is just playing catch-up to Android products which have had the new iPhone features for a couple of years already. Plus, it seems that the new iPhone 5 has other issues, like the GPS and maps not working very well, the screen being a bit too long and the fact that you have to buy all new accessories. I'll take a $99 Verizon 4G device,  thank you very much.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Check out the mobile version of the Joking Smoker Blog

Have you ever been sitting somewhere with nothing to do? You look at your phone. Sure, you can play a game of Stupid Zombies (greatest Smarphone game app of all time), or check out the latest news stories, but why not load the new mobile version of this blog? Hmmm. Why not? Just load the web address or, you can take your Smarphone (Android or iPhone), scan the QR Code below, and then bookmark the page. Aww go on!


Friday, September 14, 2012

Altered Audio: Obama addresses Libya crisis - what Republicans heard

This is just me having a little fun altering the audio of President Obama's recent press conference addressing the crisis in Libya. He actually spoke every word. Okay, maybe not with that intent nor in that order, but he did utter each of the words.


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

What the hell am I thinking? Hating nostalgia, left-handed urination and more.

• Remember back when hating nostalgia was fashionable? Those were the days.

• Speaking of nostalgia, I remember when a government meltdown involved gold and other precious metals.

• has been factchecked by many factcheckers. Pick a topic presented by either side and you will probably find blowing holes in it. Super Pac Obama anti-Romney commercial? Full of bullshit. Super Pac Romney anti-Obama propaganda? Mostly bullshit. The problem with the internet is that people use it to find stories that support what they think they think, and then post it as fact. As was so astutely noted on the Showtime show "The Big C:" the Internet isn't for's for porn.

• When I use a urinal, I generally use my left hand. That leaves my right hand available for texting. Still wanna borrow my phone?

• Why do they call it "fancy ketchup?" What makes it fancy? Could I get less fancy ketchup cheaper? Where do I get that?

• Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers hit four home runs in one game on May 8, 2012. Amazing! Even more astonishing, that spectacular feat has been accomplished on 16 other occasions. Seeing that on the news reminded me of June 24, 1968 when Jim Northrup of the Detroit Tigers hit two grand slams in one game. To me, that's even freakier because what are the odds of even coming up to the plate in a bases-loaded situation twice in one game. I guess technically every player who ever hit two home runs in the same game could have a shot at the two grand slam thing, if only his damn team would load up the bases for him.

• The best thing about winter is that you don't have to cut the grass or clean the pool. The worst thing about winter is that you don't have to cut the grass or clean the pool.

• The T.S.A.  has been instructed to stop harassing celebrities and let them get through at airports quicker. Expect an increase in celebrity look alike terrorists.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

If you don't get me this stuff for Father's Day, I'm getting it for myself

I still maintain that I'm the easiest person in the world to buy for. Just ask me what I want. "Cigars." Then ask me what kind I like. "The more they cost, the better I'll like them."

See. Wasn't that easy?

So when anyone asks "What do you want for Father's Day?" Or, if you're wondering what to get your dad for Father's Day, I'm here to resolve that issue. Get the Father's Day gifts that every cigar smoking dad wants.

Now, if you don't want to buy me (or your dad) cigars, okay, then buy cigar accessories. Here are some that I either already love and own, or I'd love for someone to buy for me. How about you? No, I'm not asking what gifts you'd like to receive, I'm asking if YOU'D like to buy me this stuff. Just contact me and I'll provide you with my shipping address. :)

These tips also work for birthdays, holidays anniversaries and Tuesdays.

Cigar Save It - This is a MUST HAVE for any cigar smoker. Rarely do we get an opportunity to enjoy a full cigar in one sitting, so this really handy accessory is a perfect addition for any pocket, car, fanny-pack or wherever you store keep your cigar stuff. With Cigar Save It, you can puff away and then, when it's time to extinguish just slide your fully lit cigar into the Cigar Save It tube, close the top and return it to your pocket. Before I purchased my first Cigar Save It I would lose a lot of cigars by setting them on a ledge or curb or tossing them onto the lawn. Not any more. This is the best accessory you can buy for nine bucks. Learn more.

Gorham That's Entertainment Flask/Cigar Set, 5-Piece - This is a beautiful gift. Even if you have to give it to yourself. Gorham is a highly respected company who produces nothing but quality stuff. You get everything pictured at left (flask, cigar cutter, two-cigar pocket carrier, shot glass (I think you actually get two, which would make it a six-piece set, and a little hat for your miniature Wizard of Oz Tin Man doll. :) Get yours here.

Folding Wood Cigar Ashtray W/ Cutter - Not too much needs to be said for a really cool cigar ash tray, which comes with a razor sharp cutter and folds into a nifty little wooden box for easy travel storage. Nothing worse than being on the road and having to rest your cigars on strange ashtrays.

Cigar Compadre - This very inexpensive accessory comes in very handy. When you don't need to extinguish your cigar with your Cigar Save It, this cigar accessory comes in very handy to just rest your smoke for a few while you whack your balls, cast your line, or nod out on your hammock. Check it out here.

Xikar Stainless Steel Portable Cigar Ash Can - I love this! It's a can that fits right in your car's cup holder and it has a ring and spiral holder to fit most ring sizes. Then, when you're on the go or just want to contain the "aroma," screw the lid on it. For less than 20 bucks. Get all the details here.

Here's what I recommend: copy the url (web address) of this page and paste it into an email to send to everyone you know. Let me know how it works out for ya. 

Friday, March 30, 2012

Seems to me: pointless ponderings on current events

• The odds of winning the Mega Millions today is almost exactly the same as Rick Santorum being elected president. Got ticket?

• So, the Mega Millions Jackpot is over half a billion. All week I've been trying to bet with people who are buying tickets, "I'll bet you $100,000 you don't win." So far, no takers. I figure it's a win-win. If they don't win, they owe me a hundred grand (good luck collecting) and if they do win, they won't need my $100,000 chump change.

• Geraldo Rivera said the the fact that Travon Martin was wearing a hoody was as responsible for his death as was Zimmerman, the killer. Yeah, and women who wear sexy clothes deserve to be raped, right Geraldo. Open mouth, insert foot.

• It seems to me that people who are against the demonstration marches for Trayvon Martin are the same people who support marches where they wear different hoods.

• Sixteen European countries are coming together to bail out the financially troubled Greece. It's no wonder. Have you seem some of the buildings over there? They're like, in ruins.

When I review Android and other Smartphone apps, I really love finding really useful and cool productivity apps. Other times: not so much. This is not only really funny, but hilariously challenging. And we've all been there.

• Mars has announced that they will no longer make any chocolate bars that have more than 250 calories. So I bought one of those jumbo Snickers bars and when I took it out of the wrapper...there was a bite out of it.

• It seems to me that Rick Santorum himself is reason enough to support birth control.

• It seems to me that all women are careless with bobby pins, which can find their way down drains, get stuck, collect hair and cause annoying, if not expensive, plumbing problems. Okay maybe not all women, but at least two.

• You don't have to go to New Orleans to enjoy the Mardi Gras. Send me a picture of your boobs, and I'll send you a picture of some beads.

• Why does a sidebar in a legal trial take place in the front? Seems to me they should call it a "frontbar."

Thursday, March 22, 2012

WOW! Cable wins the Worst Customer Service Ever Award!

This is purely a personal case study, but it is my second really bad experience with WOW Cable and Internet service and their really awful customer service. In this economy, you'd think that supervisors (or at least that's what they claim to be on the phone) would learn just a little bit about how to treat a customer, even if they aren't always right.

I was lured back to WOW with a really great deal in December 2011. Okay, admittedly, my other really great deal with Comcast Xfinity was expiring and they were going to begin charging me 74 gazillion dollars per month to maintain  my service, but WOW got me to come subcribe to their service because they were offereing me a phenomenal package and would honor it until 2014.

I know many people say that WOW Cable sucks and that WOW's customer service is rude, arrogant and on a good day condescending, but I was going to give them another chance. [Note: I'm going to keep saying things like WOW Cable has terrible service so that the major search engines find this article and I can inform other unsatisfied WOW customers to find another cable and internet alternative to the really lousy customer service provided by WOW employees.

So, anyway, my deal with Comcast/Xfinity expired and I called WOW. I told them about my previous deal, and here's what they offered me:

Three HD/DVR boxes at no charge (my bill indicated that each one was $13 per month, and right below was a line item that said: "100% off for 12 months" for each box. This is their bill! This is their acknowledgement that they offered me the deal.

Then, after only three months, they sent my new bill with no credits for the HD/DVR boxes. Okay, probably just another in a long line of WOW billing screw ups, but a phone call should fix it. Wrong!

When I called and the issue was looked into by the snotty, pompous customer service jerk, he came back and told me that it expired because it's been a year. Hold on. Let me get my calculator out. December 2011 plus 12 months should take me somewhere in the vicinty of December 2012. Not March 2012. I always try to be nice and let these people know that I'm aware that the problem probably isn't their fault, but this guy was really pissing me off with his piece of crap attitude. I politely informed him that I just came back to WOW at the end of the year and that my deal (although originally was to be good until 2014) should at least be honored until December 2012 as it states RIGHT ON THE BILL THEY SENT ME.

He said he was sorry, but he couldn't approve that deal because no one could authorize giving away three HD/DVR's for 12 months. Excuse me? Someone DID authorize that deal and it's right there on the first three bills they sent.

I was pretty astonished and calmly stated, "So, what you're telling me is that the deal you offered me to get me to cancel my service with another provider, which I have in writing from you, will not be honored." He said, "Yeah, that's right. Sorry."

Unbelievable. Even if for some reason he had to convey awful news to a customer who is willing to spend about $1,500 per year for their inferior service, they should at least be trained to treat the public with decency and respect.

So, I asked to speak to a supervisor. He said he was a supervisor, but he'd get another one to verify what he told me. After again waiting on hold (after already investing nearly an hour) Jason came on the line. I think it was the same guy. He told me the same thing. Again in the awful customer service manner that I've grown to know and hate from WOW!

I might as well have been talking to "Peggy" from those credit card commercials.

So, the bottom line is this:

WOW service is sub par. They couldn't get my wireless router to work (other providers had no problem) and "forced" me to use theirs or not have wireless service.

They screwed up my billing and erroneously threatened to disconnect me after they changed my billing date BACKWARDS making me immediately delinquent. For that mishap, I was promised two vouchers for free On Demand movies. Never got them.

Then, after constant complaints about Internet speed by my family, I did an Internet speed check. Less that 1 meg. That's 30 times slower than what was promised. That time, when I called I spoke with a very nice and helpful rep who got me back to an acceptable MPS.

Please forward this page to anyone who is looking for TV, Internet and phone service and advise them to stay away from WOW.

After my first really bad customer service experience with WOW a number of years ago (that time their rep argued with me that there was no way Comcast was going to offer me the deal that I told her they were offering, even though I was holding the offer right in my hands and reading it to the witch), I cancelled my service. After contacting Comcast and getting their service turned on, I got a call from a really nice guy at WOW offering me the farm. Too little, too late.

I should have learned my lesson then and stayed away, but I was lured back, then summarily bent over and...well you get the picture.

All I can say is WOW!

Here are some questions you may ask:

Is WOW a good cable service provider? No.
Is WOW a good Internet service provider? No.
Does WOW have good customer service? No.
Does WOW have high customer satisfaction? I doubt it.
Does WOW employ rude, arrogant, pompous customer service representatives? Absolutely.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Stuff I think I think! No fetus eating, new car for 99 cents a month and more.

  • Just face it: Everything happens for no reason.
  • I heard on the news that they are considering a bill that will not allow aborted fetuses in our food. What? That's outrageous! So now, I can't have my occasional fetus butter and jelly sandwich?
  • Channel 7 (WXYZ-TV) in Detroit ran a promo for days on Dishwasher Danger, telling us that our dishwashers can catch fire and burn down our houses. And they were going to tell us how to prevent it on the following Wednesday at 6:45 a.m. Apparently it's not that big of a deal if they made us wait days to tell us how not to burn down our houses. :)
  • I can buy a brand new, 2012 Toyota Camry for only 99 cents per month (with $27,999 due at signing).
  •  Why do they have a door on the back of roadside mailboxes? Are people really so lazy that they can't walk the extra foot?
  • During the Viet Nam era, I got a Purple Heart. Okay, I just found it in my Lucky Charms box, but I got it.
  • My brakes are going bad on my car. Yesterday, I drove by the brake shop, but I didn't stop.
  •  You've heard the saying: "It's like taking candy from a baby." You should take candy from a baby. What the fuck is a baby doing with candy?
  • Since 50% of all marriages fail, I'm going to start giving only half of my wedding gift. You get the other half if you stay married for ten years.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Thunder by Nimish - kicked my palate's ass - cigar review

If there's one thing that I think is always a guarantee with any cigar that has the  Rocky Patel name on it is that it is going to provide you with a really nice draw and a great mouthful of smoke. That is surely the case with the Thunder by Nimish (Rocky's cousin I'm told).

I purchased a Thunder at Churchill's Cigar Bar in West Bloomfield, Michigan, which is a great place to fully enjoy a cigar without the dirty looks from unenlightened, pompous pricks. :) They have an amazing selection of cigars in their walk-in humidor and a full bar for your imbibing pleasure.

But, I digress. After finishing the cigar I was smoking when I arrived (an inexpensive, but very nice Quorum), I proceeded to the humidor and was immediately approached by our waitress. A delightful woman with a Lithuanian accent. Probably because she is from Lithuania. (Man, that college is paying off.) And the most refreshing thing was she seemed quite knowledgeable about cigars and had one going herself in the other room.

Of course, she's trying to push up your tab by getting you interested in cigars you may not have tried, but I told her what I liked and she recommended the Thunder by Nimish. Good call.

I loved it immediately upon lighting it. A very nice draw, lots of smoke, a great spicy kick and it stayed consistent until the end. I chose the Toro (6 x 52) with a Habano wrapper (with a nice smooth feel), Nicaraguan and Honduran binder, with Nicaraguan, Honduran and Costa Rican fillers.

I like the rich smoke and faint underlying sweetness to complement the spicyness. About 6 bucks when purchased in single stick manner or a little over $100 for a box of 20.

All in all, nice going cuz.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Hostess and Kodak going bankrupt? How will I take a picture of my Twinkie?

Another two American institutions, Hostess and Kodak, are filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Who's fault is it? Yours!

Go ahead, take a look in your cupboard. Any Twinkies? Wonder Bread? Probably not. You're probably ruining America by eating granola bars and whole grain bread.

And who develops your photographs? Oh yeah, NOBODY. And your camera? Probably not made in the USA.

So, is it any wonder that these two former giants may be going down? Not really.

Hostess was already under Chapter 11 a mere three years ago, and currently owes about $50 million...just from last month. Kodak is preparing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, is looking for a billion dollars and the NYSE is threatening to kick them right off the exchange if it can't increase its share price in the next six months. Their stock recently fell 30% to about 44 cents last week.

It looks like my grandfather may have been a wiser man than most thought, when he predicted the demise of both of these companies. Regarding Kodak, he said they would be a "flash in the pan" and that Hostess is like marriage, "you can only enjoy the Twinkie for a while."

Never really knew what the hell Grandpa was talking about.