Bad joke translations funnier than the jokes - really funny jokes

Sometimes the funniest things aren't intended to be funny. In this case, they're intended to be funny, yet they are mostly  funny in a totally different manner than intended.

As you may know, I have a number of web sites (Click On Comedy, Interactive Lunacy, Cell Phone Reality TV, Dirty Joke Show), most of them just an outlet for my desire to share the stupid shit I think of or discover. Okay, they are also a way to generate a little extra money with advertising revenue and additional comedy gigs.

So, as part of my webmaster duties, I research other websites (aka: competitors) to see how their sites are doing, how my relevant keywords compare to theirs and blah, blah, blah. On this occasion I was comparing other sites to a joke page I created which contained a few hand-picked jokes directly from "The Dirty Joke Show" starring Geechy Guy and appearing nightly at Hooters Casino in Las Vegas (plug, plug). 

While researching the keywords "funny jokes" I came across a web site that came up very high in the rankings even though the content didn't actually qualify as "really funny jokes."

I don't know any of this to be true, but I believe that the owner of this site is in another country, let's say Indonesia. And he/she has taken funny Indonesian jokes and translated them to English. These "really funny jokes" were then posted on their web site and promoted as a "really funny jokes" page. (Notice how I keep repeating "really funny jokes?" That's so when others are searching for "really funny jokes" they may find this blog page. I'm such a whore.)

Here are a few examples of the translated really funny jokes:

"A political man come in football final as a chief guest . when the match ends then he said i m really unhappy to see the situation both team players are running behind the one ball. give me votes i will give separate separate football to every one. Nice Best Funny Joke!"


"two friends met together first said: once a time a horrible accident was take place with me. lion was come in front of me and trying to eat me,
second friend : then what you do?
first friend: i will go to other side from the cage of lion.
Marvelous Best Funny Joke!"


"mother to son: son what happened?
son : nothing mom a little injury takes on my finger.
mother: then why you don’t weep?
son: i thought that you are not at home.
Nice Best Funny Joke!"
[NOTE: I actually understand this joke.]


"a elephant and mouse was best friends, one day mouse ask the age of elephant.
elephant replied: two years.
mouse: repeat the question.
elephant again replied two years then mouse said i m also of 2 years just i m not well due to illness.
Awesome Best Funny Joke"

"child to other:what can you like laughing or weeping .
2nd replied: weeping.
1st child : why?
2nd child: because my father can gave me money to stop crying.
Cant stop laughing, really good best Funny Joke!"

Oh please, stop. My sides. My sides.

Let me know if you want more funny translations of really nice best awesome marvelous funny jokes.

Cigar suggestions for celebrating death of Osama bin Laden

I posted the question in one of the cigar forums, asking what cigars people were planning to smoke to celebrate the killing of Osama bin Laden.

Here are some of the suggestions, and some others I found:

Fighting Cock - No longer made.

Gurkha Assassin - Full bodied. Brazilian wrapper. Dominican binder. Nicaraguan filler.

Gurkha Special Ops - hand made in the Dominican Republic with a dark, oily wrapper

Exile - Created by Omar Ortez and handmade in Esteli, Nicaragua

Trinidad y CIA - Decent, cheap, medium-bodied Robusto with Honduran binder and Dominican, Honduran and Nicaraguan filler

Drew Estate Natural Dirt - You wouldn't think a stick called "Natural Dirt" would be sweet, but it is. Very.

Acid Nasty - Not a big fan. Kinda nasty if you ask me. Nicaraguan. Ecuador wrapper.

Any other suggestions?

Prince Harry plotting to get rid of William? and other unsubstantiated reflections

• Donald Trump is considering running for President. Obama decides to pre-empt Celebrity Apprentice for the Osama Bin Ladin is dead announcement. Coincidence? I don't think so.

• Scenario: President Obama issues an order to the Navy Seals that he would prefer an attack on Osama Bin Ladin on a Sunday evening between 9 and 11, Eastern Daylight Time, when all of the news executives and reporters are home watching Celebrity Apprentice. I can see Obama, tuned to NBC, smoking a cigarette and saying, "Okay, pull the plug." Take that Donald Trump. :)

• Prince Harry could be plotting to get rid of William before he has a male child so that HE can be King. Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha. (That would make this Royal Family thing so much more interesting.)

• You don't see Prince Harry with a lot of women. I think it would be cool if he were a transexual. That way he could be the very first Queen Prince.

• Cleaning up after your dog is much simpler if you teach them to poop right on the shovel.

• Now you don't even have to go to New Orleans to experience Mardi Gras. Just send a pic of your boobs and receive a pic of some beads at the Virtual Mardi Gras.

• Now this is punny.

Gispert Toro an amazing smoke for less than three bucks delivered - cigar review

Many of you may already be aware of his Gispert cigars, but until recently, I was not. That's the beauty of cigar smoking: discovering a new cigar and finding the time to savor and judge it.

The half dozen cigar shops that I frequent locally do not carry Gispert. One afternoon, in downtown Detroit, I was trying to decide which of the two best coney islands in the world (Lafayette and American) I noticed a small cigar shop right next door. I went in specifically to treat myself to a Romeo y Julieta something. Much to my dismay, they had none. Odd. Most tobacconists carry Romeo y Julieta since they are a well known name, a damned good cigar and a frequent choice of infrequent cigar smokers.

After informing the seemingly  knowledgeable owner of my dilemma, he recommended a Gispert, saying that it was manufactured in the same factory as Romeo. I purchased one toro stick for about 6 dollars and change (what I was hoping to spend on a Romeo).

Removing it from its wrapper I found a very firm, expertly constructed, hand made cigar. The end was flatter than most cigars making it perfect for plugging. If your a cutter this is a moot point. Upon flaming and turning I found a perfect draw and a rich, creamy, mild to medium-bodied smoke with a hint of nutty pepper (there did I cover everything?). The draw was very smooth with an ample amount of smoke. The ash was impressively consistent, and much firmer than you'd expect from a cigar in this price range.
I returned to buy two more to put in my humidor for an occasion where I could sit, enjoy and reflect on my feelings about this cigar. After the second smoke, I knew I had to get more and went online to research purchasing a box.

A little research showed that these cigars have had a stellar reputation in Cuba since before 1950 and currently use a fine blend of Nicaraguan and Honduran tobaccos, a natural wrapper and measure a 50 ring by 6 inches. Perfect, if you aske me. Although they are a bit milder than my normal preference, the flavor and volume of smoke make my hand gravitate toward them when I open my humidor.

In this econonmy, I knew that my first purchase would be with the tobacconist with the lowest total price that I could find. The winner: Famous Smoke Shop. They came in at just under $70 for a box of 25, including shipping. That's a mere $2.80 per stick. Almost within my "everyday cigar" range. Maybe I'll just up my cigar price daily limit a little and give up something else.  Like dinner.

Oliva Serie G Corona cigar review - being square ain't so bad!

I've been a fan of Oliva cigars for quite some time. In fact, a few years back, after reviewing the Oliva bundled Robustos, Jose Oliva sent me a bundle of the cigars I reviewed, plus a box of their (at the time) new, premium box-pressed cigars. Of course I knew what to expect from the bundled cigar (still a great smoke for the money), but was really pleased with every aspect of the box-pressed sticks.

So, last week while visiting the Cigar Factory Outlet in Troy, Michigan for the very first time (more on this later), I decided to purchase an Oliva G Serie cigar. I chose a Corona, box-pressed, African Camaroon wrapped delight, with Nicaraguan Habano longfillers and binders.

Spicy, peppery. A bit oily. Even after allowing it to extinquish, it recovered nicely upon relighting and quickly returned back to it's near perfect full-bodied, smoke-filled draw. (This smoke is mostly referred to as a medium-bodied, but I found it to be a bit to the right of medium.)

Nice even burn. Reasonably smooth, firm ash. Excellently constructed.

The most remarkable aspect of this smoke for me was the fact that remained consistent down to the way-too-small-to-be-smoking size. If it starts getting too short to hold, but it hasn't gotten bitter, I may go searching through my vintage seventies stuff to find a roach clip to finish off this fine cigar.

They can be found online at about $100 for a box of 25, or you can probably get individual sticks at a local tobacconist in the six to eight dollar range.

As always, comments welcomed.

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...or not. :)

Cigar ponderings and smoking tips - Charlie Sheen, blowing your cigar, legal separation

• Should we, the cigar smoking community, hope that Charlie Sheen is never photographed with a cigar again? Or might it be a good thing?
• The first tip you should give to a novice cigar smoker: never smoke a cigar with a tip.
• If you blow into your cigar prior to letting it go out or putting it in a snuffer, it will have a much less bitter taste when re-lit.
• If you really want your cigars to smoke as they were intended, make sure you keep different brands separated (either with cedar separators or separate humidors).
• Should you remove the band  from a cigar when smoking? Depends where you live. In England, leaving the band on is an indication of rude arrogance (showing off the expensive cigar you're smoking, I imagine). In my case (since I notoriously smoke quality but inexpensive cigars as my everyday smokes), I try to carefully remove the wrapper so you don't know what the hell I'm smoking. However, to not risk damaging the cigar, it is best to leave the band in tact until the coal gets close to the paper. At this time, the glue holding the band together heats up and is easily removed without damaging the cigar.
• I try to handle anti-cigar smoking people with dignity and mature, calm discussion. But, fact is, they're poo poo heads.

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Macanudo departs from mild with the 1968 cigar line - and I like it!

The Macanudo line of cigars is probably the go-to cigar for the occasional cigar smoker. Everyone knows the brand. Always well constructed. Consistent, even burn. But, they're generally milder than what I prefer.

I recently received a 3 cigar variety pack of Macanudo robustos as a gift. I chose to smoke the Macanudo1968 first because I don't think I've ever had one and it looked a little meaner than your average Macanudo stick.

As you can see the photo, I didn't have optimal smoking conditions. I was banished to the cold and wind to try to enjoy my smoke. Damn people who don't understand or appreciate the all natural aroma of a finely built cigar.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover a medium bodied, rich flavor. The draw was consistent in spite of the wind, and the wrapper stayed in tact and never unravelled.

The 1968 does have a distinctive, tasty bitterness that you will probably either love or hate, but I liked it. Perhaps primarily because it was such a departure from my Macanudo expectations. And the second half was a bit hot, but then again, I was a bit cold and may have been rushing things.

So it seems that Macanudo is trying to expand from the mild blends into darker and richer products. And, even though I don't usually like to spend eight bucks on one cigar, I will make sure I have a couple of these available in my humidor.

The Macanudo 1968 line is available in a variety of sizes from a Churchill to a 60 ring Gigante.

Wrapper: Honduran San Agustin Havana Seed
Filler: Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, Ometepe
Size: Robusto (5 x 50)
Strength: Medium

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