After the brutal political season Thomas Jefferson and I have some advice

Thanks to Facebook and extreme right wing and left wing postings, many friendships have been torn  apart. So, in light of  the election finally being behind us, I wanted to share some of the wisdom of Thomas Jefferson and some of the absurdity of me (with the help of Photoshop).

 

 

The coolest spot to do all of your online holiday shopping - and help Hurricane Sandy victims

Welcome to the page where you can find the top online shopping stores and help a great cause at the same time. Aw, go on. Help me make this a popular one-stop online shopping web page.

When you order through any of the stores on this page, 100% of the proceeds go to the Powdered Milk is Gonna Taste a Lot Better Once I Get the Water Turned Back On Fund. (Okay, there really is no such fund.)

But, seriously, when you use purchase anything from any of these top online shopping websites, 10% of the profits will be donated to help those affected by Hurricane Sandy, through the American Red Cross. Please share this convenient page with everyone.

If you're not looking to do any online shopping but would still like to show your support for those devastated by Frankenstorm, visit RedCross.org or text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the relief fund.

This holiday season 700 gazillion people will spend 2 bazillion dollars shopping online. Be part of that. Go on, buy something.

Amazon.com
Brookstone.com
Sears.com
JCP.com
Macys.com
Kohls.com
Target.com
CrateAndBarrel.com
Lowes.com
Staples.com
Apple.com
Walmart.com
OfficeDepot.com
Dell.com
BestBuy.com
Nordstrum.com
Zappos.com
VictoriasSecret.com
TopShop.com
GVC.com
GNC.com
BarnsandNoble.com
SportsAuthority.com
Cooking.com
Hotels.com
Expedia.com

More to come.

Thanks for your support.

Furnace repair: how to do it yourself and ruin a perfectly good Sunday with the help of Google, Facebook and Words with Friends

I love how connected we all are. I couldn't live without my Android phone. I even have a website dedicated to all of the cool things you can do with a Smartphone. From productivity to games, from reading books to watching...um...other stuff. I don't miss calls or emails or text messages, and I can even see what far-away loved ones are up to via Facebook or video chat on my laptop, tablet, desktop, Android or iPhone.
 

Because of the amazing Smartphone and Internet technology, arguments (except when you're talking politics or sports), are almost non-existent, thanks to the ability to Google or look up anything under dispute, any time, any place.
 

But sometimes Google can mess you up and take away an entire Sunday originally intended for leisurely activities.
 

A couple of Sundays ago it started getting a bit chillier in the metro Detroit area. So chilly in fact, that I fired up the furnace. Or at least tried to.
 

I flicked the heat switch on the thermostat and set it to Auto. Then I cranked it up a bit to get the ignitor to trigger and light the burners (ooo, almost sounds like I know what I'm talking about). Initially, it sounded just like it did last year when the furnace kicked on. Except this time the burners only stayed lit for about five seconds, and then shut off.
 

What the hell? I don't want to call the heating and air conditioning people who are going to charge me an arm and a leg to come out and probably fix it in a minute. And how do I know if whatever they tell me is wrong is even really the problem, or if they are just feeding me some bull-pucky to milk more cash from me. Sometimes it can be expensive to be this stupid.
 

So, I decided to go on Google and search for a solution to my problem and do it myself (DIM). That way, if it was a simple fix I could run to Lowes (lowes.com) or Sears (sears.com) or Aco (acohardware.com), or is it Ace hardware.com (I always get those two confused) and get whatever I needed. Enter: "lennonx furnace lights and shuts off in five seconds." Voila! Hundreds of people have had this same problem. So I started clicking on the links to the forums where people were describing their problems and even showing Youtube videos of exactly the same problem that I was having.
 

Then the good news. According to EVERYBODY, It's really easy to resolve and it won't cost me anything (except the time to do it). Yay!
 

Boo! Nothing is EVER as easy as it seems. EVERY half-hour job takes me somewhere between three hours and eternity. But, what the hell. Maybe I can do this.
 

Tackle the challenge
 

After reading entries in multiple forums from people who were having the exact same problem as I, it seemed almost certain that the problem was that my flame sensor needed to be cleaned. All I needed to do was take some sand paper or steel wool, clean off the thick wire-like sensor, put it back in place and everything should work just fine.
 

Next search: "how do I remove flame sensor from lennox value series furnace?" This search returned lots of results including video showing me just how easy it is to change it. Unscrew one little screw on the front plate that holds the burners in place, slide out the sensor, clean it, put it back, screw in one screw, turn on furnace, enjoy the warmth.
 

Or not!
 

After removing the front cover panel and looking inside, I easily determined where the flame sensor was. However, my furnace didn't afford the opportunity to JUST REMOVE ONE FREAKING SCREW. No, no! In order for me to get to the damned thing it looked like I had to remove brackets and probably even the burners themselves just to get access to the sensor, which is probably the one part that needs to be accessed the most, since so many people seem to have had the exact same problem that I was having.
 

So, back to the computer. More Googling. Finally, I found a video made by a guy showing me how to remove a flame sensor from a furnace that doesn't have a convenient screw (insert convenient screw joke here). Yup! Remove the outer bracket, remove the bracket behind that, and them remove the goddam burners. Then simply (yeah right) clean off the now exposed sensor, put it all back together and...enjoy the warmth.
 

Not gonna do it
 

As I knelt uncomfortably on the tile floor staring into the furnace and contemplating getting my socket wrench to start taking things apart, a sudden burst of common sense hit me in the face. Hell no! I'm not doing that. Me? Taking apart a contraption that fills up with gas and ignites creating a flame which remains burning until I'm toasty? I don't think that's such a good idea. I know me...and my abilities as a handyman.
 

So, I was mildly proud of myself for determining exactly what the problem was, but decided that actually taking apart my furnace wasn't real bright.
 

I commenced to put the cover back on the furnace and informed my wife that, although I felt quite manly for figuring out the problem, I couldn't get this "simple" task done because when given an opportunity to not blow up my house and family, I usually take it.
 

Enter: Internet again.
 

My wife, while on Facebook, mentioned that I had successfully diagnosed the dirty flame sensor problem with my furnace, but that I was such a loser that I was incapable of actually fixing it. Okay, she didn't put it that way, but that's how I interpreted it. She asked if any of her friends knew of anyone who could help (and not require getting a co-signer).
 

Enter: Smartphone.
 

Shortly after my wife posted that message on Facebook (of which I was not aware), I received a text message from friend with whom I was playing a game of Words With Friends. It simply said: "Kevin will be calling you shortly." At first I thought that she was just demonstrating her psychic abilities. Then, two minutes later, the phone rang and WTF, it was a guy named Kevin. He explained that Denise had given him my number after she saw my wife's posting on Facebook and was wondering if he could help.
 

After I explained the problem and told him what I believed was the remedy, he confirmed my diagnosis. Yay, again! Then he told me to "simply remove the dirty flame sensor and clean it off with some sandpaper or steel wool, put it back in and enjoy the warmth." No, no, no, no, no! I knew that. The problem was that I couldn't get at the part I needed to clean.
 

As I was trying to explain how it was all configured (after I disassembled the front of the furnace a third time), he said, "I wish I could see it." When I suggested that I take a picture with my Android phone and forward it to his phone, he said, "my phone has a red button and a green button." Okay, chalk that idea. He did, however have an email address, so I sent a couple of pictures there.
 

He took a look, called me back and suggested that I remove the two hex nuts on the top bracket above the burners. I did that, and (not very easily) was able to cram my hand back behind the burner where the flame sensor was located and basically clean it with little tiny movements (not much room) with a toothbrush and a piece of steel wool.
 

I "cleaned" it as best I could and decided to just put everything back together and see what happens. If it doesn't work, then that wasn't the problem and I'd have to have a heating and cooling guy come out.
 

I went upstairs, clicked it on, cranked up the thermostat, and it has been working just fine ever since.
 

Thank you Google. Thank you Facebook. Thank you Hotmail. And thank you Words With Friends (Note: I kicked Denise's ass in the game).
 

As it turned out, I was originally planning to watch the Detroit Lions football game, and they lost anyway. Apparently, there is more than one way to waste a perfectly good Sunday.
 

 

Afterthought: In case you found this page when you were really looking for furnaces
 

 

If you are looking to purchase a gas furnace, there are some great options online. Believe it or not Amazon.com has a number of furnaces (Ducane, Rheem, you can purchase and have shipped, and lowes.com now carries a few furnaces (and lots of wood burners) that you can purchase and pick up or have delivered from your local Lowes location. Sears.com has a full line of Kenmore brand furnaces.

 

 

       

This time Facebook stalking is good...and scary

 
"Take This Lollipop" is an interactive Facebook Connect movie.

In keeping with the Halloween spirit (funny costumes here), I invite you to check out "Take This Lollipop," a very cool and kind of creepy web page. It will require you to log in using your Facebook account, but they do not store any of your information, post anything to your page or send you any emails. Just do it. It's fun and a little eerie. A perfect page to share with your friends (or better yet, share this page) during the Halloween season.

I don't know much about the creator, but it looks as though the guy who wrote it also stars in it (along with YOU!). I've seen this techology before, where they grab some of the information in your Facebook profile or photos you provide and incorporate it into a video story. There's a cute one involving Santa Claus and your kid. But this takes the cake.

First off, most of us are reluctant to share personal information online and this clever, live action Facebook Connect production requires you to log-in through your Facebook account. Then, when you do, you are presented with......aw, screw it. Just do it and see for yourself.
 
It's disturbingly fun.

Click here to go to "Take This Lollipop."

Real Fake Interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger - Altered Audio - Truth about Mildred the Housekeeper

Here is the interview I had with Arnold Schwarzennegger, where he discusses his new book "Total Recall" (available at Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com). In this interview Arnold tells the REAL story about Mildred the Housekeeper.

Arnold is candid about Maria Shriver, Mildred the Housekeeper and his new book in this very short, very phony, funny parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger's promotional tour to tout his new memoir.

Although this shows Arnold in a slightly negative light, he is only a tad more sleazy than he was in the original interview with Diane Sawyer.

More altered audio and absurd, allegedly funny stuff at Interactive Lunacy, Smart Ass News and Cellphone Reality TV.




For true Arnold fans, check out this signed Arnold Schwarzenegger Laser Disc Cover. Powers Collectibles 3139 Signed Terminator The- Arnold Schwarzenegger Laser Disc Cover By Arnold Schwarzenegger (Google Affiliate Ad)

    

Halloween costume ideas - you can make them or buy them

Where do I find cool, funny Halloween costumes for adults, kids and couples?

 

It's time for Halloween costume shopping. I usually don't dress up myself. Usually I just pull out my clown nose and tell people that my costume is a "grown-up with a clown nose." Original? Yes. Stupid as hell? Absolutely.

 

Even though I don't put any time or effort into costuming myself at Halloween, I do really appreciate a cool or funny costume and decided to review some Halloween costumes and web sites where you can purchase Halloween costumes. Of course some of the most funny costumes ones are the ones that people make themselves. Here's a few examples of homemade Halloween costumes.  If you've got the time, you can make your own but, you can also buy some funny and creative costumes at retail stores like Target.com, Macys.com, Sears.com and J.C. Penny (jcp.com).
 

I have actually spent hours creating stupid gifts for friend's birthdays, like the Belly Button Blow Dryer, but if I needed a costume, I'd probably just search for a cool one to buy. I surfed around the Halloween section at Target.com and must admit there were some costumes that were pretty impressive. Of course, you can get any of the hot super heroes, political figures or assortment of trendy stuff there, but if you're looking for something a bit different, or off-the wall then here are some great choices:
 

HalloweenCostumes.com has a great variety of ideas, and a great selection of categories including kids, adults, sexy, couples and even group. And if you surf around some of the other costume sites you'll find costumes like the one I found at costumesupercenter.com featuring a couples' costume with the woman as an electrical outlet, and the man as a plug (pictured).
 

There are also some excellent  Halloween costume choices (including some cool baby and toddler costumes) at costumeexpress.com. They even have a 4D app for iPhone and Android that you can download to make your costume shopping easier. Or at least cooler.
 

 

If you create any bizarre, funny, creative Halloween costumes, take a pic and send it to me. Go on, I dare ya.

 

 

       

WTFWIT Cooking show - incredible, spicy, breakfast tortilla recipe

Even though I often eat evil food, we usually try to eat well and healthy at our house. Not a lot of red meat and we watch the sugars. Sometimes we watch them go from the products they're in, right into our tummies, but we try. We really try. So, shut up. And eat.

One of my favorite meals to cook is breakfast. Over the years I have almost completely eliminated added salt, and when I cook eggs I get rid of the yolk. I don't miss the salt, but sometimes I miss the yolk.

Anyway, this is my first recipe video, where I share how I prepare my Spicy Breakfast Tortilla.

I really think that if I had a nicer supply of cookware, like the stuff you can get at Macy's, Target.com or J. C. Penny (jcp.com), that I could be an even better cook. There are also a lot of great cookware deals at Amazon.com, in case anyone is looking to buy me gifts. Oh yeah, and cooking.com and crateandbarrel.com. I also like Android devices (as you can see at my Hooked On Droid site).

Honestly, when I prepare my breakfast feasts they are always different. Although, you will always see a spicy theme. Soon, I'm going to share my recipe for the Omelet From Hell.