Crazy Contemplations - Pop Culture, Politics and Potty Humor

Posted for your ridicule:

I watched the State of the Union, listened to Rubio's response and read the entire transcript of the Tea Party response. After taking in all of the valid points and sentiments of each, one can only determine that they're all full of shit.

One time I gave up sex for Lent. My wife asked me what I gave up. I said, "Try to guess." She never figured it out.

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Maybe not, but you can make a pretty cool sow's ear purse.

I believe in spirits. Mostly Scotch, but sometimes vodka or bourbon.

I was thinking that sometimes apostrophes can be so possessive.

Some jokes are timeless, and some times are jokeless.

Clever quotes are for people who can't write jokes. Wait...

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Absolut vodka gets you drunk and you don't give a shit.

Once you lose your mind, life is a no-brainer.

When someone has something to tell you, good or bad, say nothing. Just listen. Intently. Do not comment. That really pisses them off.

It costs $10 a month to join Planet Fitness gym. First Monday's are free pizza night. That's one meal taken care of.

The Jet's Pizza television commercial claims to have invented the eight corner pizza. Is taking two small pizzas and putting them in the same box really an invention?

Personally, I think some of the more extreme NRA members should be shot! Oh, wait....

How come all of  Casper the Friendly Ghost's cousins have Dairy Queen ice cream swirl heads and Casper's looks like a Hostess Snow Ball?

I never finish anythi

Brief nudity not so brief; device for man to understand womanspeak and more pop culture absurdities

They are developing an electronic device which will allow you to put in earpieces and have any language interpreted and played in your headphones. It further allows you to speak into a microphone and what you say will be translated to their language and played through a speaker. Amazing! Now if they could only come up with a similar device where, when you put it on, a man could understand womanspeak.

 

When watching a movie with a DVR, brief nudity is not necessarily so brief. I have pause button.

 

At least Apple didn't call their new product a MiniPad.

 

How did the metric system overtake our beverage cans and bottles information? Now, large bottles of soft drinks are 16.9 ounces or 1.05 pints. What are they doing, just trying to remind us that our method of measurement sucks? 16.9 ounces equals 500 mL. Oh, metric system, you're so cool with your round numbers. But, what if we left it at 16 ounces? How many mL is that, smarty pants? It's something like 497.036 mL. Not so cool now are you?

 

Many times in my life I've heard people say that you should let tap water run for a few seconds before filling your glass and drinking it, because the water that first comes out of the tap has been sitting there stagnant for a while. Isn't the water just behind simply water that was sitting stagnant further down the pipeline?

 

93% of the African American population voted for President Obama. Studies show that the other 7% may have simply made a mistake.

 

I remember when I used to have a rotary cellphone.

 

I'm not sure what my being aware of breast cancer does to help the cause. They should call it Donate Money to Breast Cancer Research Month. Just for us stupid people.

I sometimes listen to those Music Choice channels on cable. I was watching/listening to the Classic Rock channel and most of the ads were for senior emergency alert and hair restoration. Truly WTF??

Here's something you simply don't hear anymore, "Hurry up, I need to use the phone."