Getting tricked into shopping extravaganza -

Yesterday we went to Toys R Us to pick up one Wii game as a gift for Christmas. A Wii game is about the size of a paperback book. When my wife and I walked in the store she said, "Get a shopping cart." I asked, "What do I need a shopping cart for to get one small toy?" She said, "Because you never know." 

We then began a two hour shopping adventure examining dozens of toys, price checking and finally buying nearly a full cart-full of stuff. Of course it was all on sale. 

At check out, with a long long line behind us, the young clerk asks, "Would you like to sign up for a credit card and get an additional 25% off?" I said, No!. My wife said, "Why not?" I said, "Because I don't need another credit card." She said, "But it's 25% off." I said, "Okay then put it in your name." She said, "I can't. I already have a Toys R Us credit card." 

So I agreed, and while standing in line I had to give my social security number, my mother's maiden name, my full address, my drivers license number, my annual income and more. Everyone behind us in the long line got very pissed off and left, until there was absolutely no one behind us in line. But I got 25% off. So fuck them. Merry Christmas!

Crazy Contemplations - Pop Culture, Politics and Potty Humor

Posted for your ridicule:

I watched the State of the Union, listened to Rubio's response and read the entire transcript of the Tea Party response. After taking in all of the valid points and sentiments of each, one can only determine that they're all full of shit.

One time I gave up sex for Lent. My wife asked me what I gave up. I said, "Try to guess." She never figured it out.

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Maybe not, but you can make a pretty cool sow's ear purse.

I believe in spirits. Mostly Scotch, but sometimes vodka or bourbon.

I was thinking that sometimes apostrophes can be so possessive.

Some jokes are timeless, and some times are jokeless.

Clever quotes are for people who can't write jokes. Wait...

Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Absolut vodka gets you drunk and you don't give a shit.

Once you lose your mind, life is a no-brainer.

When someone has something to tell you, good or bad, say nothing. Just listen. Intently. Do not comment. That really pisses them off.

It costs $10 a month to join Planet Fitness gym. First Monday's are free pizza night. That's one meal taken care of.

The Jet's Pizza television commercial claims to have invented the eight corner pizza. Is taking two small pizzas and putting them in the same box really an invention?

Personally, I think some of the more extreme NRA members should be shot! Oh, wait....

How come all of  Casper the Friendly Ghost's cousins have Dairy Queen ice cream swirl heads and Casper's looks like a Hostess Snow Ball?

I never finish anythi

Brief nudity not so brief; device for man to understand womanspeak and more pop culture absurdities

They are developing an electronic device which will allow you to put in earpieces and have any language interpreted and played in your headphones. It further allows you to speak into a microphone and what you say will be translated to their language and played through a speaker. Amazing! Now if they could only come up with a similar device where, when you put it on, a man could understand womanspeak.

 

When watching a movie with a DVR, brief nudity is not necessarily so brief. I have pause button.

 

At least Apple didn't call their new product a MiniPad.

 

How did the metric system overtake our beverage cans and bottles information? Now, large bottles of soft drinks are 16.9 ounces or 1.05 pints. What are they doing, just trying to remind us that our method of measurement sucks? 16.9 ounces equals 500 mL. Oh, metric system, you're so cool with your round numbers. But, what if we left it at 16 ounces? How many mL is that, smarty pants? It's something like 497.036 mL. Not so cool now are you?

 

Many times in my life I've heard people say that you should let tap water run for a few seconds before filling your glass and drinking it, because the water that first comes out of the tap has been sitting there stagnant for a while. Isn't the water just behind simply water that was sitting stagnant further down the pipeline?

 

93% of the African American population voted for President Obama. Studies show that the other 7% may have simply made a mistake.

 

I remember when I used to have a rotary cellphone.

 

I'm not sure what my being aware of breast cancer does to help the cause. They should call it Donate Money to Breast Cancer Research Month. Just for us stupid people.

I sometimes listen to those Music Choice channels on cable. I was watching/listening to the Classic Rock channel and most of the ads were for senior emergency alert and hair restoration. Truly WTF??

Here's something you simply don't hear anymore, "Hurry up, I need to use the phone."

After the brutal political season Thomas Jefferson and I have some advice

Thanks to Facebook and extreme right wing and left wing postings, many friendships have been torn  apart. So, in light of  the election finally being behind us, I wanted to share some of the wisdom of Thomas Jefferson and some of the absurdity of me (with the help of Photoshop).

 

 

Real Fake Interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger - Altered Audio - Truth about Mildred the Housekeeper

Here is the interview I had with Arnold Schwarzennegger, where he discusses his new book "Total Recall" (available at Amazon.com or BarnesandNoble.com). In this interview Arnold tells the REAL story about Mildred the Housekeeper.

Arnold is candid about Maria Shriver, Mildred the Housekeeper and his new book in this very short, very phony, funny parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger's promotional tour to tout his new memoir.

Although this shows Arnold in a slightly negative light, he is only a tad more sleazy than he was in the original interview with Diane Sawyer.

More altered audio and absurd, allegedly funny stuff at Interactive Lunacy, Smart Ass News and Cellphone Reality TV.




For true Arnold fans, check out this signed Arnold Schwarzenegger Laser Disc Cover. Powers Collectibles 3139 Signed Terminator The- Arnold Schwarzenegger Laser Disc Cover By Arnold Schwarzenegger (Google Affiliate Ad)

    

Altered Audio: Obama addresses Libya crisis - what Republicans heard

This is just me having a little fun altering the audio of President Obama's recent press conference addressing the crisis in Libya. He actually spoke every word. Okay, maybe not with that intent nor in that order, but he did utter each of the words.



     

What the hell am I thinking? Hating nostalgia, left-handed urination and more.

• Remember back when hating nostalgia was fashionable? Those were the days.

• Speaking of nostalgia, I remember when a government meltdown involved gold and other precious metals.

• Factcheck.org has been factchecked by many factcheckers. Pick a topic presented by either side and you will probably find factcheck.org blowing holes in it. Super Pac Obama anti-Romney commercial? Full of bullshit. Super Pac Romney anti-Obama propaganda? Mostly bullshit. The problem with the internet is that people use it to find stories that support what they think they think, and then post it as fact. As was so astutely noted on the Showtime show "The Big C:" the Internet isn't for information....it's for porn.

• When I use a urinal, I generally use my left hand. That leaves my right hand available for texting. Still wanna borrow my phone?

• Why do they call it "fancy ketchup?" What makes it fancy? Could I get less fancy ketchup cheaper? Where do I get that?

• Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers hit four home runs in one game on May 8, 2012. Amazing! Even more astonishing, that spectacular feat has been accomplished on 16 other occasions. Seeing that on the news reminded me of June 24, 1968 when Jim Northrup of the Detroit Tigers hit two grand slams in one game. To me, that's even freakier because what are the odds of even coming up to the plate in a bases-loaded situation twice in one game. I guess technically every player who ever hit two home runs in the same game could have a shot at the two grand slam thing, if only his damn team would load up the bases for him.

• The best thing about winter is that you don't have to cut the grass or clean the pool. The worst thing about winter is that you don't have to cut the grass or clean the pool.

• The T.S.A.  has been instructed to stop harassing celebrities and let them get through at airports quicker. Expect an increase in celebrity look alike terrorists.